i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
