Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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