I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
