I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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