Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
