she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
