ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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