i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
