Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
