I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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