i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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