His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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