remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
