Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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