i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
