when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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