So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
