I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize