Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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