Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
