Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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