I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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