Kiss
Puke
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
