i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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