Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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