I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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