You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
