Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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