Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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