i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
