Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
