it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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