I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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