Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
