just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
