And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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