I look better un-naked...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
