we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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