Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize