And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
