Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
