You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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