I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
