sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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