Just cropdusted the office
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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