Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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