he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
