Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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