My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
