shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out