I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN