maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.