The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it