her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST