Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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