cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.