dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
MIDGETS
????
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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