and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
