if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
