morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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