respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize