Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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