You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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